Smokey Bear VS McGruff the Crime Dog
Smokey Bear VS McGruff the Crime Dog is the 83rd episode of DEATH BATTLE, featuring Smokey Bear from the United States Forest Service and McGruff the Crime Dog from the National Crime Prevention Council in a battle between PSA mascots. Smokey is voiced by Christopher Sabat and McGruff is voiced by Chris Rager. Description They've taught us about fire safety and crime prevention. Now it's time they teach us who's the superior public servant! Interlude (*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*) Boomstick: When it comes to public service, two animals have gone far beyond the call of duty. Wiz: They're known throughout the world as the symbols of safety. So let's make them fight to the death. Boomstick: Smokey Bear, the firefighting mascot of forest safety. Wiz: And McGruff the Crime Dog, taking a bite out of crime wherever he goes. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a Death Battle Smokey Bear Wiz: In 1944, America's forests faced an ever increasing threat, with nearly 16 million men battling Nazi's overseas, little manpower remained to combat the spread of forest fires. Every year, thirty million acres of trees would go up in smoke. Boomstick: Damn, that's even more trees than Snoop Dogg can burn! Wiz: America needed a new hero, someone who could prevent these disastrous blazes from occurring in the first place. Boomstick: And then along came a loveable cartoon bear named Smokey. Smokey: So remember, only you can prevent forest fires. Wiz: As a mascot, Smokey Bear did what he could to inspire the American people, he even partnered with Bambi to teach the ways of fire safety. However, Smokey was still merely a dream, a figment of imagination, until one fateful day in the Capitan Mountains of New Mexico. Boomstick: What do you know, a forest fire broke out, the mountain trees were annihilated in a blaze so intense, the thirty firefighters called to action were almost incinerated, thousands of forest critters either fled or died, all but one. Wiz: Atop a smoldering tree clung a lone survivor, a small black bear cub, his paws burnt, his family lost to the flames. Boomstick: So after firefighters rescued him, there was only one name that fit: Smokey. Wiz: Well, first they named him "Hotfoot Teddy", but they couldn't waste such a great PR opportunity. Boomstick: Adopted into the National Zoo at Washington DC, young Smokey became the living symbol of fire prevention. They even made an animated short of his new official origin story, and it's...pretty horrifying, actually. Wiz: The public adored young Smokey, he received so much fan mail, he had to get his own zip code, and since then, Smokey has successfully helped prevent forest fires and promote fire safety for over seventy years. Boomstick: And boy oh boy, has he done a good job. Smokey: Drown your campfires with water, make sure it's totally wet, then stir it and drown it again. Wiz: Indeed, in just the first twenty years, annual forest fire damage dropped over eighty percent. Boomstick: Yeah, thanks to Smokey's advice, I've never started a forest fire in my entire life. Wiz: I don't believe that. Boomstick: To my knowledge, I mean, I've had plenty of opportunities. Wiz: Well, I'm impressed, I didn't think you took anybody's advice so seriously. Boomstick: Why wouldn't I take Smokey's? This guy started a fire safety club, picked up ventriloquism, and even taught the Addams Family to put out fires, you know, the people who love pain and things that are generally bad for you? Wiz: He's befriended the creatures of the forest, much like a Disney princess, and even infiltrated Disney itself to teach their characters about fire safety. Also, unlike most mascots at the time, he's successfully protected his dignity through the toughest social experience in recent history: The nineties. (We see him in a hip hop video) Smokey: (rapping) Respect the forest, protect our trees, (he stops) oh, what am I doing?, (he removes the hip hop outfit) Director: Cut! Smokey: This isn't me. Director: Smoke, we agreed you'd talk to kids in their language. (Smokey puts on his iconic hat) Smokey: I know, but I'll just give it to them straight. Boomstick: Oh, and in case you forgot, he's also a God damn bear. Wiz: An American Black Bear, to be precise, the largest black bears are over seven feet tall and exceed eight hundred pounds, which seems to match Smokey's own size. Boomstick: Smokey's got plenty to fight with, like his razor sharp claws, his trusty shovel, and enough muscle to rip your arm off Chewbacca style. And then you have to worry about fighting a bear that's "armed". Wiz: Was that a pun? It wasn't even bear related. Boomstick: Wiz, you can't even "bear" the amount of puns I've got, what have you got? Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz: 0, Boomstick: 1 Wiz: As if, unlike Boomstick, Smokey isn't one to just do the "bear" minimum, in fact, bears in general are quite durable creatures, thanks to their stout anatomy, including a skeleton so stable, it endures long hibernation without withering. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 1, Boomstick: 1 Boomstick: You "bear-ter" believe Smokey is strong, too, bears his size can break trees and flip over boulders weighing more than 350 pounds. When he was just a cub, Smokey even smashed this shitty little house to bits. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 1, Boomstick: 2 Wiz: He's surprisingly stealthy, able to sneak up on people in broad daylight with "bear-ly" a sound. Also, black bears can run up to 30 miles per hour. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 2, Boomstick: 2 Boomstick: That's what makes the bear cavalry so dangerous. Aside from that, he's accomplished many "un-bear-leavable" feats to keep the forest safe, like manipulating time. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 2, Boomstick: 3 Wiz; And also, when he disguised himself as a woman without "bear-ing" any resemblance to his original body. Boomstick, why don't you introduce his greatest feat with your "bear-itone" voice? Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 4, Boomstick: 3 Boomstick: "Pre-bear" yourself, because Smokey can magically grow so large, he's bigger than Godzilla, look at the size of him! Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 4, Boomstick: 4 Wiz: All just to emphasize a point, much like how I'm owning this "un-bear-able" pun war. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 5, Boomstick: 4 Boomstick: Oh, I'm still going, I hope you brought some sort of "non-bear-ishable" snack, cause I can do this all day, your gonna be so "em-bear-ressed" when you lose. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 5, Boomstick: 6 Wiz: No, no, no, that'll never happen when it's me "ursus" you. Boomstick: Ha! You missed a bear pun, your out! Wiz: "Ursus" is Latin for "bear", moron. Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 6, Boomstick: 6 Boomstick: Aw, damn it! You know Latin's my weakness. If only I was a bear, then my only weakness would be bear traps, bear repellant, and bear mace, you know, shit that people had to make to stop bears, since their so unstoppable? Wiz: There are some techniques to increase your chances of surviving a bear attack. Some say you can punch your arm down their throat to induce uncontrollable vomiting, although I wouldn't recommend that, because your definitely going to lose your arm. Boomstick: And it's gross. Wiz: Honestly, all you can really do is make yourself look as large and intimidating as possible. Boomstick: Nah, I know a fool-proof way to escape a bear, you just gotta be faster than the guy next to you.' Wiz: Well, it's a good thing Smokey chose a life of education and isn't chasing people down, the last thing you want after you is an eight foot tall bear with a giant shovel and a grudge. Smokey: Only you can prevent forest fires. Smokey then walks off. Director: Now, Smoke, wait, I...Smoke! Smokey: I gotta get back to the forest... McGruff the Crime Dog Wiz: Let me take you on a trip back to the late 1970's, also known as the feel-good decade, a time where individualism and personal liberation took center stage, but not everybody took that as a sign of peace. Boomstick: Yeah, domestic crime was getting bad, like, really bad. At the turn of the decade, the American people made a hero to save them from themselves, a...dog in a trench-coat. Wiz: This canine began his campaign modestly enough, but he needed a name. After eight months of polling, he was given one, along with an unforgettable slogan. McGruff: Take a bite out of crime. Boomstick: McGruff, the Crime Dog. Wiz: Focused and determined to make that bite count, McGruff hit the streets hard and fast, in just a year, more than fifty percent of Americans had seen at least one McGruff advertisement. McGruff: Cause teenagers are the victims of over 2,000 violent crimes by strangers everyday. You can help stop it. Boomstick: That's cause he was willing to get his job done by any means possible, even if it meant ultimate embarrassment, he used commercials, cartoons, comic books, video games, musicals. Wiz: He even released his own anti-drug album, with such classic singles as "Crack and Cocaine". (*Cue: Cocaine and Crack - McGruff the Crime Dog*) McGruff: (Singing) Cause nobody's needing that crack and cocaine, making a mess of your mind. Wiz: And "Inhalants". (*Cue: Inhalants - McGruff the Crime Dog*) Kids: Don't do inhalants. McGruff: You'll be suffering pain. Kids: Smart kids say no. McGruff: 'Cause inhalants kill. Boomstick: Yeah, it's really, really bad. Wiz: As McGruff's plan generally targeted children rather than current criminals, it required patience and time, but it worked, over the next few decades, crime dropped exponentially, the next generation of America was smarter and safer. Boomstick: Now, some of you are probably thinking, "Hey, you can't prove McGruff was responsible for all of that!", and I say to you, can you prove he wasn't? Wiz: Regardless, McGruff certainly had a massive impact, leading the charge against crime. Boomstick: I mean, that's seriously impressive, considering all my dog does is sit around licking his balls. Wiz: McGruff's not just any dog, he's a six foot tall, bipedal bloodhound, a dog breed known for their excellent sense of smell, an extremely powerful bite, and floppy, adorable ears. Scaling him to your average bloodhound, McGruff can likely run 45 miles per hour, jump ten feet high, and bite with enough pressure to break bones. Boomstick: And unlike my dog, McGruff wears a cool trench-coat, which not only protects him from the rain and cold, but gives off a neat detective vibe. Wiz: However, unlike Thailand's air chief marshall, Mr. Fufu... Boomstick: Rest in peace, buddy. Wiz: True story, McGruff doesn't appear to hold an official police rank. He calls himself a "pre-tective", which is just as fake as it sounds. Boomstick: Whoa, wait, if a crime hasn't happened yet, then how does he know to stop it? That's like some "Minority Report" shit. Wiz: He possesses a certain set of skills to do so, he has a keen eye for details and context clues, he's exceptional at analyzing and predicting potential crimes in progress. Boomstick: So, he can predict what's gonna happen with a few context clues, but that doesn't mean much if he can't stop a mugging or whatever. Wiz: Luckily, McGruff has plenty of tools and talents, when someone's in trouble, McGruff's circle of respect creates a force field. Boomstick: Which is apparently the perfect defense against bullies. Wiz: While he's not an official member of the police force, he's been hanging around officers for decades, so it's not unreasonable to believe he's picked up some police combat training. Boomstick: Being your own dog has it's perks, for example, McGruff's car isn't a standard, beat up police cruiser, it's a friggin monster truck! This bad mamma jamma is based on a 2010 Ford Superduty with 540 cubic inches of gas guzzling badassery. Wiz: Definitely an upgrade over his original '96 model, though I'm not sure what this has to do with preventing crime. Boomstick: Screw preventing crime, this beautiful beast prevents all kinds of other stuff, like boredom, being a little sissy, and small European cars from going un-smashed, that's enough for me. Wiz: Ironically, despite his skills and claim to stop crimes before they happen, he's more of a councilor than a protector, and doesn't actually step in all that often. Boomstick: No, but he doesn't need to when he can freeze time! Wiz: Ah yes, McGruff is famous for pausing time and breaking the fourth wall to discuss an ongoing potential crime. Unfortunately, while pausing time, McGruff does not seem capable of interacting with the world around him. (We see a girl walking down the street, a car pulls up next to her and the door opens) McGruff: That's Jenny, but that's not Jenny's dad, (the scene freezes, McGruff walks into view) if she gets into that car, that may be the last time you'll see Jenny. Wiz: He doesn't even bother saving Jenny from her kidnapper. Boomstick: Which means he was right, that was the last time we saw Jenny. Wiz: Still, McGruff's campaign has been wildly victorious, it's safe to say he's succeeded in taking a bite out of crime. Boomstick: Oh my God, we didn't even mention the reality flipping switch he has in his office, what the hell is up with that thing? McGruff: I'm McGruff the crime dog, and I'm here to help take a bite out of crime. Ruff! Death Battle In the middle of a forest, a campfire is seen, along with McGruff approaching it. McGruff turns the audience and begins speaking to the children watching. McGruff: Remember kids, fire is a dangerous tool, and should never be left unattended. The fire begins to spread, several trees slowly burning away, a forest fire starting, which McGruff notices. McGruff: Welp, time to go! The Crime Dog turns to flee from the blazing fire, only to bump into Smokey Bear's belly, which knocks him to the ground. Smokey notices the burning fire and begins to call McGruff out for not putting out the campfire that started it. Smokey: Only you could've prevented that forest fire....fool. Smokey then glares at McGruff, who quickly gets to his feet and enters a combat stance, to which Smokey replies by doing the exact same thing. FIGHT! The Crime Dog makes the first move by attempting a roundhouse kick with his right leg, only for Smokey to block with his left arm. He flips McGruff into the air, but the bloodhound quickly lands on his two feet. Both attempt to punch each other, with McGruff being the quicker of the two, able to land several punches on Smokey's face and chest, before Smokey counters by swiping at McGruff and sending him flying into a tree. Regaining his footing, McGruff plants his feet into the tree's trunk and uses it to propel himself into Smokey's torso like a missile, knocking him to the ground. Smokey growls and gets to his feet, attempting to punch McGruff, but the Crime Dog evades by flipping to the side and attempting to roundhouse kick him again. The kick seems to do nothing as it bounces off of Smokey's belly with no effect, but McGruff quickly leaps onto his chest to attack again, only to be knocked into a tree by the bear. McGruff recovers and leaps out of the tree onto Smokey, only for Smokey to roll over and pin the bloodhound to the ground. Smokey: You should learn to respect your surroundings! McGruff: I'll show you respect! McGruff opens up his trenchcoat, and clicks a blue button from the inside, which deploys his Circle of Respect, and knocks Smokey Bear back. Gripping his shovel, Smokey charges McGruff and swings the shovel, shattering the force field like glass, much to McGruff's shock. McGruff quickly flees, but for Smokey, he throws his shovel into a tree, causing it to fall and also trip McGruff, stopping his retreat. Smokey lets out a roar as he charges toward McGruff on all four legs, but the Crime Dog quickly freezes time before the bear could swing at him, but only to speak to the children. McGruff: Remember kids, if you're about to be mauled by a bear.... Unaware of how to solve this problem, McGruff simply shrugs, unfreezing time, and braces for impact as Smokey swings at him, the Crime Dog being sent flying over the trees and into the lake. Smokey stands back onto two feet, and puts his hat back on. Smokey: Hmph, stupid dog. Smokey then notices the roar of a engine, and McGruff reappears driving his signature monster truck, running down a few trees in the process. McGruff: Take a bite out of THIS! McGruff then hits a button labeled "Nitro", which sends the monster truck at full speed towards Smokey, hitting the bear dead on. McGruff lets out a howl of excitement as Smokey grabs onto the hood of the truck and holds on for his life as McGruff drives into a tree, smashing the bear into its trunk as the tree falls over. He does this with two more trees. However, Smokey quickly stops the truck in its path as it drives through the forest by slowly growing in size, letting out a roar as he now towers over McGruff, the monster truck, and the forest trees around him. Smokey, holding McGruff and the monster truck in his hand, peeks through the window and says in a deepened voice: Smokey:''' '''Not even YOU can prevent THIS! Smokey raises his other hand, preparing to smash the Crime Dog, only for McGruff to pause time again. McGruff: Remember kids.....remember me! Smokey slams his free hand onto the monster truck, crushing it and McGruff, who lets out a yelp, into a mangeled and bloody mess. Smokey tosses the destroyed truck and splattered mess of his opponent aside and walks toward a lake, where he, still a giant, proceeds to shovel water onto the forest fire to put it out. K.O.! Results Boomstick: Looks like McGruff had a "ruff" time out there. Smokey was clearly the stronger combatant thanks to...well, thanks to being a giant bear, really. ''' Wiz: McGruff wasn't totally outclassed. His greater speed and smaller size made the battle quite tedious for Smokey, but that's about it. '''Boomstick: Yeah, he couldn't compete with Smokey in anything else. It's like my grandpappy always said: "Why have a guard dog when you can get a guard bear?" Wiz: But what truly mattered in this battle were their unique abilities, and in that, McGruff didn't stand a chance. When McGruff paused time, he couldn't affect the world around him, while Smokey has shown that he can. Boomstick: And really, what are you gonna do against a bear that can grow to the size of a mountain? Wiz: So, bear beats dog, Smokey's powers were superior, and ultimately, Smokey had more far more options to take McGruff down for good. Boomstick: Smokey was just more than McGruff could "bear". Bear-y Punny Counter: Wiz 6, Boomstick: 7 Boomstick: Ha-ha, one last bear pun! Suck it, Wiz! Wiz: Ugh, the winner is Smokey Bear. Trivia * This episode features a number of firsts: ** This is the first battle to use PSA characters. ** This is the first ever Death Battle to use non-sprite-based 2D animation. ** This is the first death battle to be animated by animation house, Blind Ferret. * According to both the Shredder VS Silver Samurai commentary and the 40th episode of DEATH BATTLE CAST!, this fight has been planned to happen for 3 years. * This Death Battle can be considered the sixth Joke Battle of the series, after Goomba VS Koopa, Justin Bieber VS Rebecca Black, Starscream VS Rainbow Dash, Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro and Deadpool VS Pinkie Pie. ** This is the second Joke Battle with an actual winner instead of a tie, after Starscream VS Rainbow Dash. * Both Smokey and McGruff have originated from The Advertising Council, Inc. * According to the commentary: ** This episode is among the most expensive episodes to make with only Power Rangers VS Voltron being able to contend with it. ** It was Sam's idea to have a pun battle between Wiz and Boomstick ** Nick was likely the one to bring up McGruff's monster truck ** Ben's reaction to the early cut of the animation was that "it needs more fire". *This Battle is also done most likely to commemorate the 35th anniversary of McGruff the Crime Dog. *This is the 6th Joke Battle Category:Death battles Category:'Mascots' themed Death Battles Category:'Animals' themed Death Battles Category:Season 4 Episodes Category:Fights with voice actors Category:Joke Battles Category:'Rivalry' themed Death Battles Category:Fights animated by BlindFerret Category:Traditionally animated Death Battles Category:Heroes themed Death Battles Category:Protagonists themed Death Battles